Netflix had this movie! NETFLIX HAD THIS MOVIE! I didn't have to buy a $30 VHS version of this movie. Better yet, here's the swell description on the cover of the Netflix sleeve:
You'll be tappin' your toes to this early talkie musical (the first musical to win the Best Picture Oscar) that's filled with great tunes by the songwriting team of Arthur Freed and Nacio Herb Brown.
So here's how it all went down. Harriett (they call her Hank) and Queenie Mahoney are trying to make it as a vaudeville act. (Sound reminiscent of a true Oscar winner, Chicago???) They aren't as cute as everyone on Broadway, that's for sure. So they have to work extra hard. Their friend, Eddie Kerns decides to help them out. Eddie, previously in love with Hank (the older sister), is confused about his new found infatuation with Queenie, the younger, more beautiful (and blonde) sister. They continually "sneak" kisses, etc. when Hank isn't around. Which would be somewhat charming and heartbreaking at the same time, except for the fact that Queenie and Hank are constantly kissing in a way that no siblings should ever kiss. Not even Angelina and her nameless brother Jolie. Gross.
I am not a professional tap dancer, but I'm pretty decent at the lost art. So you can imagine how excited I was to watch this movie. Also, you can imagine I would expect perfection from the musical numbers since this was a time when musicals were par for the course in the film industry. Not the case. The acting was mediocre. I guess it was good for the time period, but it was too theatrical for the sake of being theatrical. I don't mind dramatic. But the acting was so forced I couldn't (and didn't really want to) believe them. I just wanted to throw a dog bone at the TV. (Don't worry, I threw a stuffed snowman doll instead). With the exception of one a cappella tap number, the remaining dances were something I could have done in the 6th grade. What it lacked in plot and character development, it made up for in production value. Technically speaking, this movie was not a bad production. The camera was steady, the editing was succinct, and the costumes were beautiful.
What did we learn from Broadway Melody:
1. Blondes always get more attention. Ergo, looks do matter.
2. Real sisters shouldn't treat each other like lovers.
3. Doing anything half-ass (in this case a vaudeville routine) gets you nowhere in life.
5. The lines of control top pantyhose should never be visible. At any time.
6. Sequins and pearls are always lovely.
UGH. I think I'm gonna apply for a movie summarizer position at Netflix, because I am confident they are outsourcing the movie summarizer position to someone 12 hours ahead of us. As in the aforementioned description, my toes were hardly tapping. And an episode of Glee has more numbers in it than this proclaimed musical.
Broadway Melody, you were a let down.
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| 2 Out of 5 Stars |
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